Intellectual Poison

I'm a combination of confused and seriously pissed off right now. Which is a bummer because I was very excited when I got home for lunch to see that Fed-Ex had dropped off a box for me. The box contained a new (to me, it is used) telephoto zoom lens for my Rebel XTi. I was really happy that it came so quickly especially since there are some upcoming cyclocross races that I wanted to try and take some photos at.

Only my elation turned to disappointment and outright rage when I unwrapped the lens. One, no lens cover which is just stupid.
Two, no clear lens protecting filter on the end. Cheap insurance.
Three, a rather large abrasion scratch on the outer lens next to a decent sized scratch. Not dead center but pretty impossible to not have known it was there when the seller sold it.

Which means he knew that he was selling pretty obviously damaged goods to me. Why? Why would you sell someone they were going to be pissed off about and demand compensation? Did he somehow think I wouldn't notice it? Did he presume that I would be cool with it and just let him off for selling me a lens that is, presently, useless?

It is fixable and I'm going to a local camera shop after work to see about getting it fixed up. But I shouldn't have to, I shouldn't have to waste my time getting the lens into a usable state. I know I'm for damned sure not going to be paying for it out of my pocket. The sale was through Amazon so I fully expect that I'll get some cash back to cover my work to get it repaired.

I just can't access the mentality that allowed him to knowingly pack up and ship obviously defective merchandise.

I've already emailed him and put the ball in his court to give him the opportunity to make this right. I'm not overly hopeful of an easy resolution but I have to give him the chance. And, when he disappoints some more, I will escalate the claim through Amazon's channels to recoup the cost it will take to fix the lens.

Labels: broken, defective, stupid

Roland Burriss is not, despite his and his team of lawyers bleated and repeated insistence, the junior senator from Illinois. He was appointed to replace Barack Obama by Rod Blago.....whatever the hell his name is, I think I'll just call him Governor Helmethead, after Helmethead has been accused of trying to sell the Senate seat to the highest bidder. Which, oddly enough, is a felony.

Burriss has not been certified for a very good and valid reason. That being that his appointer, Governor Helmethead, is under investigation for committing a felony with that very seat he's laid his claim to.

It would be prudent and much more above board and honest to let due process run its course. He wouldn't be stirring up a shitstorm of controversy by demanding that it is his without any reservations or recognizing that the appointment was made under extremely suspect circumstances.

Roland Burriss gives politicians an even worse name than they already have and is representative of what is wrong with politics in America. He and his team of mouthpieces spew rhetoric and hyperbole but their argument is, basically, Roland Burriss is the junior Senator from Illinois because Roland Burriss is the junior Senator from Illinois.

All of this combined with the rather creepy and hyper-inflated ego fact that the dude's already bought a mausoleum and listed out his life's accomplishments on it but left plenty of space for his accomplishments in the Senate. That's just creepy and smacks of a completely self-serving mentality.

Labels: crooked, politics

Aside from a rather chilly working environment, my lab was a decidedly not toasty 50 degrees when I left this afternoon, today was a good and productive first day back to work.

I succeeded in cloning the lab computer to do some repairs on the other machines in the lab. I also surplussed a whole crapload of obsolete equipment. By surplus, that means I filled out a bunch of paperwork, copied down serial numbers and used my knife to peel up the district ID tags which were then collected on a sheet of paper and turned into my department so the numbers could be returned to use. And, by a whole crapload, I mean nearly 70 machines! Not all computers but all had to be processed by hand, in an arctic chill. I ended up not sending an old Apple Stylewriter II to surplus because I just couldn't bear to let it get recycled yet. Its such a nice little printer and still works well.

I also fixed an annoying and stupid problem with one of my big laserjet printers that had, until today, refused to print from its internal paper tray.

There were a few other things that got crossed off as well before it was time to bust out early because the later shift janitor wasn't coming in and the alarm system had to get turned on early. So I had to bug out a little earlier than expected which is never a bad thing, ya know?

All in all it was a pretty good first day back. Tomorrow should be more of the same and then, on Wednesday, I'll finish up imaging the lab at one of my other schools so that they are ready to rock and roll when the students come back next week. And Thursday means a trip up to San Francisco to go to MacWorld! The only bummer is that no Steve Jobs but the keynote's tomorrow anyway so I'd have missed either way.

Labels: old technology, productivity, work

Herein are some personal, professional and family resolutions.

Personal:
Continue to battle the middle-aged spread.
Less time on the computer, more time with my family
Try to keep in mind that the internet isn't nearly as important as I think it is
Stop being too sexy for shirt because it hurts
Ride my bike more, drive my car less

Family:
Less tv time, more play time together
More bicycle riding together
More Lego time
Less "don't" and more "do"
Recognize that "me" time is just as important for my wife as for me

Professional:
Expand revenue streams beyond straight work.
Monetize my other blogs to generate some added income.
Keep adding to my tech support repertoire including the unholy hell that is Windows.

This is a good start. I reserve the right to add to these resolutions as they occur to me or life demands it.

Labels: family, personal, resolutions, work

Because I am a silly and juvenile boy at heart, here are some Dr. Suess books re-imagined as porn stories.

Horton Hears a Who becomes Horton Hires a Ho
Mr. Brown Can Moo, Can You becomes Mr. Brown Can Spew, Can You?
Are You My Mother? becomes Who's Your Daddy?
One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish becomes One Squish, Two Squish, Red Squish, Spew Squish
Green Eggs and Ham becomes Green Legs and Slam
Horton Hatches the Egg becomes Horton Humps a Leg
If I Ran the Zoo becomes If I Ran in Poo
How the Grinch Stole Christmas! becomes How the Grinch Poled Christmas
The Cat in the Hat becomes The Cat in the Scat
The Cat in the Hat Comes Back becomes The Cat in the Scat Cums Back
Yertle the Turtle and Other Stories becomes Yertle the Squirtle
Dr. Seuss's Sleep Book becomes Dr. Seuss's Sleeping Around Book
Dr. Seuss's ABC becomes Dr. Seuss's SEX
Hop on Pop becomes Hop on Pop's Cock
Fox in Socks becomes Fox on Cocks
The Foot Book becomes The Foot Book and Other Fetishes
I Can Lick 30 Tigers Today! and Other Stories becomes I Can Lick 30 Johns Today!
My Book about ME becomes My Book about Pee
I Can Draw It Myself becomes I Can Jack It Myself
The Lorax becomes The Sore Ass
Marvin K. Mooney Will You Please Go Now! becomes Marvin K. Mooney Will You Please Blow Now!
Did I Ever Tell You How Lucky You Are? becomes Did I Ever Tell You How Fucky You Are?
The Shape of Me and Other Stuff becomes The Shape of My Wang and Other Stuff
There's a Wocket in My Pocket! becomes (duh!) There's a Rocket in My Pocket
Great Day for Up! becomes Great Day for a Schtup!
Oh, the Thinks You Can Think! becomes Oh, the Skanks You Can Skink!
The Cat's Quizzer becomes The Cat's Whizzer
I Can Read with My Eyes Shut! becomes I Can Fuck with My Eyes Shut!
Oh Say Can You Say? becomes Oh, Say Can You Lay
Hunches in Bunches becomes Hump-es in Bunches
The Butter Battle Book becomes The Butterface Battle Book
You're Only Old Once! : A Book for Obsolete Children becomes You're Only Rolled Once! : A Book of Sex for Obese People
I Am NOT Going to Get Up Today! becomes I Am Not Going to Get IT Up Today!
Oh, the Places You'll Go! becomes Oh, the Places You'll Get Blown!
My Many Colored Days becomes My Many Colored Lays
Ten Apples Up on Top! becomes Ten Slapples on my Cock!
I Wish That I Had Duck Feet becomes I Wish That I Had Fucked Pete
Come over to My House becomes Come Over in My House
Wacky Wednesday become Whack Off Wednesday
Hooper Humperdink...? Not Him! becomes Hooker Humperdick...?

Some good ones, one cringeworthy ones. And yes, I did edit out the truly awful ones. My favorite is Horton Hires a Ho.

Labels: funny, porn

One of the reasons I really love reading Popular Science is because they highlight awesome technology like the Clean Cookstoves from Envirofit.org.

These new cooking systems maximize resources and minimize pollution by intelligent design that creates a practical and stable cooking surface in rural areas. The stoves acombust more efficiently, reducing fuel use and expense while speeding up cooking times and reducing toxic emissions.

The stoves were developed at Colorado State University’s Engines and Energy Conversion Laboratory.

They are inexpensive, durable, efficient and much safer than cooking over an open fire. If they were available for sale in the US, I'd probably have one on order right now.

Labels: cooking, science

Slopportunity - when someone takes advantage of a drunk person for sex or other actions then you are being slopportunistic. Or, another definition, a slopportunity is an opportunity to make a buck off of a sloppy situation, i.e. how a tow truck driver loves freezing rain because more cars slide off the road and mean more money in his pocket.

More new words at the Fictionarium.

Labels: nwotd

Until we started to see the snow on the side of the road, some four plus hours after leaving home, I wasn't convinced we were going to actually get to the snow before we reached the closed off mountain pass at Sonora. But it started with chunks of dirty piled up snow on the side of the road and progressed until the entire hillsides were covered in the beautiful white stuff.

With some trepidation, we decided that the outing would be an all-family outing. That means including Nande, who's not known for being an especially calm or pleasant traveling dog. She has a tendency to breathe heavily, whuffle and whine and occasionally bark for no apparent reason. She can be quite trying on the nerves.

But she'd never been to the snow, nor had Sullivan. And we decided to give it a try. We also decided not to try and subject the cat to the journey and let her have a day at home alone. We hadn't counted on Nande's rather obnoxious flatulence but we dealt with it as best we could. She was surprisingly pretty good in the car aside from when we were on surface streets and she could find things to bark at.

We chose to head up to Sonora because it would give us a chance to stop by my wife's parents to say goodbye to the boys' cousins who were heading back to Colorado shortly.

From Pleasanton we headed east on 580 for several hours making one quick and awesomely delicious stop at an In 'n' Out Burger along the way. Why there is no In 'n' Out in Santa Cruz is a complete mystery to me. They have the best fast food burgers anywhere.

Once we got to the hills, I changed my GPS over to altitude to keep track of our climb. We started out just a few hundred feet above sea level and quickly climbed to about 2000 feet and then kept going up and up and up. We saw snow along the side of the road at around 4500 feet and then the hills were good and covered by about 5000.

Once we'd gotten into the snow country, the next step was finding a good spot to get off the road and into the snow. The first good candidate was a huge open sledding hill but it was also pretty full of people and, we later learned, bottomed out into a creek that got a bunch of sledders soaked. We kept going until we came upon a small turnout with a monster snow removal machine and a couple of cars. It turned out to be the perfect spot for us.

There were some paths already stomped into the snow which made life alot easier for Nande as she got used to this new world. She didn't much care for going off trail for a little while when her first foray ended up with her chest deep in the snow. After she got used to it, she had no problems with going anywhere and really had a ball.

Sully needed a little acclimatization as well to get his snow legs under him but he got used to it as well and had lots of fun sliding face first down small hills, climbing up slippery slopes and, as Grady loved to do too, eating the snow.

Grady was very small when we were last in the snow but he had zero problems getting down with his wintery self. I think we were there for less than five minutes before he started chucking snowballs at me.

My wife only wished she'd had some boots but otherwise had a ball riding down the hill on our shiny new hippy sled (it looked like a plastic tie-dye) and playing with Sully.

I enjoyed the heck out of myself doing some sledding, tossing snowballs at Nande and the boys and taking lots of pictures.

We had prepared for some hard core winter action with extra layers, changes of clothes, waterproofed gear and the like but we really didn't need much of it at all. The spot where we'd stopped was sunny and, maybe not quite warm, but it wasn't cold at all. I found myself peeled down to just my long sleeved shirt in no time.

We literally could not have chosen a better spot with better weather. The snow had a crust on it which made it fun to walk on, sometimes you sank in, other times you didn't. Both Grady and Sully got stuck a couple of times but they took it in stride and really just had a ball. Nande must have run miles and miles in the snow, she had as much fun as anyone else even when she'd step off the trail and find herself deep in the snow. She figured out how to jump like a jack rabbit to get herself free and to continue her off-trail forays.

Major kudos to my wife for suggesting the trip and putting together much of the gear, food and clothes we would need. Kudos to me for driving up and back, thinking to fill up our big thermos with delicious coffee that was so, so, so awesome when we were packing back up to leave. Kudos to the boys for being patient on the drive there and back and major kudos to Nande for going many miles to dispel the myth that she's not a good traveling dog.

Here's a taste of what we saw at the top of the hill. The full sized version is freakin' huge and awesome!

Labels: dog, family, fun, snow

We are heading out for a drive up to the snow for a day of fun and playing around and sledding. It'll be about a three hour drive up but that should give us plenty of time to play around in the white stuff, get a good lunch and then get home before the crazy New Year's Eve nutters get out on the road.

Of course I will have my camera with me so expect a few pics either later tonight or tomorrow.

Happy New Year to you all!

Labels: snow

After reading this Ask Metafilter question: Can I give my kids back? and the resultant storm of comments, my own included, it got me to thinking.

The poster in this case has two teenaged daughters, 17 and 13, and they are both kind of mean and nasty to her a good chunk of the time right now. She is wondering whether it is normal to have moments of hating your own children.

My answer, and many others, is that yes, its normal. It isn't normal to hate your children all the time or stay up late plotting their public humiliation and downfall but yes, there are moments when they are being such horrible, horrible creatures that hate can surface.

I know my two boys aren't spiteful or malicious, yet. I know that they are having fun when they are being terrible little buggers. But the combination of tiredness, of feeling taken for granted, of waiting on them day and night, of wiping their dirty butts and dripping noses and their hyena-like laughter after dumping an entire glass of soda on the table, chair and floor can just momentarily overwhelm you. Or me.

It doesn't make you a bad parent, it makes you human.

And, I like to think, for every bad moment there are dozens of deeply endearing and wonderful beyond awesome with ecstasy whipped cream and jubiliation cherries on top moments. Like when Grady snuggles up to me on the couch and whispers "I love you, Poppa" or when he'll bring me something I've been looking for and say "Here you go, Poppa." Or when Sully runs up to me when I pick him up at daycare and throws his arms around me, wrapping his hands around my neck and nuzzling his face into me. And he will not let go.

Raising children is an exhausting rollercoaster of emotions with soaring highs and four-drink inducing lows. And it is, without a doubt, the hardest thing I've ever done or will do.

Labels: raising children

We had a wonderful trip out to the beach this afternoon. Nande got a chance to run and run and run some more. And I got a chance to take about 150 photos of her and the boys playing in the water, which was cold as hell!

A great time and now Nande is wiped out cold on her bed.

Labels: beach, life with a dog, sunshine

Futilty belt - the belt that attempts to hold up a seriously overweight person's pants is a futility belt because, no matter how tight it is cinched, those pants are going to droop.

Why yes, I do feel a little bad about this new word but not bad enough not to share it.

More new words at the Fictionarium.

Labels: nwotd

Wow, what an excellent and exciting night of fights. No submissions and lots of knockouts!

The Mir win over Nogueira was the house favorite of the night. Frank Mir looked poised, confident and very, very dangerous.

Rashad Evans had to work for his knockout win over Forrest Griffin but when it came, he hammered Forrest and it ended quickly. A new light-heavyweight champ has been crowned and Rashad looked excellent in the fight.

The other fights on the card were also pretty good. Rampage's wicked knockout of Wanderlei Silva was impressive and it looks like Rampage may be back on the path of utterly destroying his opponents again. Scary and fun to watch.

Cheick Kongo pretty well dominated Al-Turk with his sharp striking and then finished him with heavy elbows on the ground to cut him open and get the knockout. Another impressive win.

Overall, I split on my predictions going 3 for 6 calling Rampage, Dolloway and Hamill and missing on Mir, Evans and Kongo. I wasn't too bummed about my weak record because the fights were highly entertaining and it was a good night for the UFC.

And 2009 will bring many more excellent events starting with Franklin vs. Henderson in Ireland on January 17 and Penn vs. St. Pierre on January 31.

Labels: mma, UFC, wrap-up

Let me preface this by saying that the Smart Cycle has been extremely well received by the boys. They have put many miles on it since it got put together and connected up to the TV.

But one might expect that something called Smart would, you know, actually be smart. From design to use. And the Smart Cycle comes up short in a number of areas that make me question how much use testing was done on it before it was sent to production.

Here are the Smart Cycle's stupidities in my ever-so-humble opinion:
1. Lack of memory - there is no way to save settings for multiple riders so it is, essentially, a clean slate every time you turn it off and on.
2. No AC adapter - batteries are wasteful and expensive. This seems like a no brainer.
3. The recessed seat knob adjustment - it is annoying to try and change the seat often as we have to with two different sized kids using it and the recess makes it alot more annoying.
4. The seat adjustment - there's no easy way to tell where the hole is, no clicks, no guides, no nothing, its just hit and miss, alot. Stupid.
5. The On/Off Switch Location - my younger son has decided that the power switch is part of the game and he turns the bike off regularly which means we have to do the whole stupid choose a car, choose a color and a horn again and again and again.
6. Cartridge seating - unless the cartridge is seated perfectly, which is tough for a youngster to do, the game will not work. It should be easier to get in there.
7. No resistance pedaling - this seems almost dangerous for young knees, there is literally nothing slowing down pedaling. It would be nice and smart to be able to dial up a bit of resistance on the machine.
8. Not all biking - there are several activities on the bike that don't involve pedaling at all, just the joystick and buttons. What's the point of these?
9. Its huge - our living room is now dominated by a toy bicycle tethered to our television. And there's no way we're putting a tv in the boy's room.
10. Lack of tutorials - there are few instructions, just pedal and learn how to learn as you go.

So, what's good about the Smart Cycle?
1. Kids learn to equate pedaling and exercise with playing.
2. Kids ride miles and miles without even noticing it.
3. The games require different skills and does not ding kids for not doing it right.
4. The cartridges can all be added to a keychain so they are harder to lose.

That's about all I can think of for now. I like the Smart Cycle and am really happy that we were given it by grandma but it seems like they rushed it to production without testing it out enough or they'd have realized some of the design flaws and been able to fix them. Unless they are thinking they'll do those in the 2nd generation and all the current owners will upgrade to it. That's not likely to happen in this house.

Labels: review, smart cycle

Tonight's UFC 92 The Ultimate 2008 is one of the most anticipated nights of mma fighting in the entire year. The card is STACKED!

Here are my predictions:

Main Event:
UFC Light Heavyweight Champion Forrest Griffin (16-4) vs. Rashad Evans (12-0-1)
Prediction: Tough call, Forrest is as tough as anyone but Rashad is pretty impressive. I'll go with Forrest in a decision.

Main card (Televised):
UFC Heavyweight Champion Antonio Rodrigo “Minotauro” Nogueira (31-4-1) vs. Frank Mir (11-3)
Prediction: Never bet against Nogueira, the guy is like an ass kicking machine. Noqueira by TKO in Round 3.

C.B. Dollaway (7-1) vs. Mike Massenzio (11-2)
Prediction: I'd like to see C.B. start winning some fights and he's got history with Mike. C.B. by submission in Round 2.

Quinton “Rampage” Jackson (28-7) vs. Wanderlei Silva (32-8-1)
Prediction: Rampage has lost to Wanderlei twice in the past. I expect Rampage will be as motivated as he's ever been. Rampage by KO in Round 2.

Cheick Kongo (12-4-1) vs. Mustafa Al-Turk (6-3)
Prediction: If this fight stays standing then Cheick wins but, as it is likely to do, if it goes to the ground, he's toast. Mustafa by TKO in Round 2.

I'm not going to get too much into the undercard that won't be televised but I will call Matt Hamill vs. Reese Andy. Hamill is very powerful and has been working on his standup. I'm seeing Hamill with a TKO in Round 1.

There ya go, check back tomorrow to see how I did this time after my last not so awesome calling job.

Labels: mma, prediction, UFC